Identity

Well, my heavens, has it been a long time since I have visited this space! To be honest, I wasn't sure that I should continue blogging - I felt so detached from here. I feel that I am best in this space when I am pontificating about big ideas. Life ideas.

My life has EXPLODED in all the best possible ways over the past 6 months. I have truly experienced an embarrassment of riches. A course in life and entry into grad school. A new love. Loads of wonderful friends. The unceasing love and support of my incredible family, who helped me move from DC to Boston for school. I am truly the sum of the wondrous people in my life.

Which brings me to the notion of identity. I feel that in the course of the past 6 months I have negotiated and renegotiated a newer sense of self. It has been dizzying to say the least. For so long, I was very much the same with natural developments here and there.

And then I finally found a true professional course. And I was admitted in graduate school (someone else believed that I could do this too - someone besides my awesome mother). And I finally met someone who fit into my life the way no man had before. Who showed me such kindness, love, trust, intelligence, and humor. Who allowed me to express the love that I had so longed to give someone. I was made better by these things. These gifts. But I was also made different.

And now I am back in Boston and at school. Learning in an academic environment for the first time in 5 years. And it's all at once strange, hard, and wonderful. And we are constantly discussing our identities - our racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. I am here in this new/old place, closer to my family but farther from my love, and trying to navigate the next stages of my life (because I am not a true woman if I am not in super planning mode) and wondering how it will all play out.

There's the old Emily - so close to her awesome family and friends but perpetually single and looking for the one man who could be a kindred spirit. How can I mesh her with the new Emily - not only empowered by friends and family but also now career validations and an incredibly kind and loving man? It seems to be the ultimate decision that many of us face in this fast-paced, populated, multi-option, geographically diverse world. Hah, I am tired just typing this out, let alone making a decision. And the good thing is that I don't need to make one now. But it is coming down the pike. And I am not quite sure how it will all play out. How can I be the person I want to be and be with everyone I want to be? How can I have it all? The ultimate question of the modern woman. Of the modern human.

Update:  A very kind and wise friend read this post and wrote me the loveliest email about life. It meant a great deal but one of her best lines was that "we are all a work in progress." And that's the beautiful part. Thanks, C!

Photo credit: Emily Bowen

Big Skies and Big Waves in West Virginia

The long road to West Virginia (seriously. it was like 100 miles on one road)

A few weekends ago, a group of friends and I traveled a LONG WAY across West Virginia for a weekend of camping and whitewater rafting.  I had not done either in a good 10 years and it felt excellent to be out in the woods and on the water once more (only minimal encounters with people who could have been extras in Deliverance).  There are no pictures of the actual whitewater because, well, I was busy paddling for me life!!

Rolling hills of West Virginia

A beautiful morning before rafting

Apparently in West Virginia chivalry is not dead because they made the men carry the boat

This guy was like a character from Lord of the Rings and was in a lot of my shots

View of the New River Gorge Bridge

Snapshot of our campsite

West Virginia Mountains

May You Have Peace and Joy

My favorite holiday decor on a farm in rural Maine (a brilliant star on an early winter's night)

Wishing everyone a joyous and peaceful holiday with everyone they love! Merry Christmas! xoxo

Holiday Scenes and Blessings

Thanks to Pinterest, I decided to make garlands of my favorite Christmas song lyrics

I mean, why not be merry?

L.L. Bean's Christmas Tree (one year they hung colorful Nalgiene bottles on the tree, I miss that)

In Georgetown, they put bows on their houses!

A refined Christmas in DC's Embassy Row

Christmas bundles all ready to be delivered!

Me decked out for a holiday party downtown!

It's been an incredibly hectic holiday season. But when I stop to reflect, it's all good things. I am very lucky. Lucky for the amazing friends and family in my life. Lucky for my job, my little apartment, and the possibilities that next year will hopefully bring. I am blessed in so many ways. Life is good.

Lots of Love

My Memorial Day Weekend consisted of a trip to New York City/Long Island for the wedding of my college friend, Caitlin, to her longtime love, Jeff. It was a gorgeous weekend both in terms of the weather and a fabulous wedding. 

I traveled to NYC on Saturday morning and met up with friends to see the Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty exhibit at the Met. Needless to say, the place was PACKED. We waited in a line for the exhibit for over an hour (a line that wound around the museum). But it was SO WORTH IT. The exhibit is only up until July 31, so it is definitely in high demand. Just utterly amazing in terms of the textures, the materials, the presentation, everything. The man was a tortured genius and after seeing the exhibit, I am curious to know more about his life.  Both deeply unsettling and inspiring. See it and you'll know what I mean.

After the crowds of the Met, we lounged on the grass in Central Park for a few hours - absolutely delightful - and then wandered over to Greenwich Village for supper at a Mexican restaurant.

On Sunday, we dressed in our finest and traveled to Long Island for the wedding, which was held in a beautiful cathedral. The ceremony was so lovely and Caitlin was positively radiant, more beautiful than I have ever seen her.

The reception later that night was a splendid affair - a chance to catch up with dear, old friends and celebrate the first of us to get married (yikes!).

McQueen at the Met

The gorgeous married couple

Gratuitous fashion shot of me (Dress: H&M, Shoes: DSW, Clutch: TJ Maxx, Jewelry: J. Crew)

A quiet moment of friends at dinner

Two Katies looking resplendent

A conversation between old friends

A poorly lit image of an engaged couple living it up on the dance floor!

Cheers to the happy couple!

 

A Weekend That Fairly Sparkled

The Cherry Blossoms bloomed in DC last weekend - a million tiny symbols of hope. For us all. 

A dear friend visiting me in DC and looking lovely amongst the blooms

The day was bright, cold, and full of spring signs. I was so happy for this time.

The Tidal Basin and the Jefferson Memorial fairly sparkled.

Cherry Blossoms embellished the regality of the Library of Congress

My beautiful red loveseat finally appeared, making my apartment infinitely cozier!

Sunday coffee and pastry in Capitol Hill -- two of life's greatest pleasures

On Becoming a Professional Woman

Picture a Friday night in late summer. The air is thick and hot, and those August crickets are crooning their evening tunes. In an effort to stay cool, my fourteen year-old self can be found camped out on the hardwood floor of my family's two hundred year-old Maine farmhouse, watching television and enjoying a quickly melting bowl of cookie dough ice cream (as if there was any other flavor).

 

There's not much on, so I put in a video (yes, as in VIDEO CASSETTE) rented from my local video store (what is that, you ask?). The movie in question happens to be My Best Friend's Wedding. A Julia Roberts event. 

Over the next two hours, my eyes would be opened to a multitude of concepts I had rarely considered: the notion of being a successful, independent professional woman, the clothes you get to wear when you are said woman (note: while Julia's fashion in that film might be called into question in current times, the idea of wearing a suit of any kind intrigued me), what my wedding would look like, what my husband would look like -- aspects of being a woman.

 

Prior to seeing this movie, I had never really considered any of these things, focusing more on more adolescent pursuits.  But for whatever reason, this movie opened a floodgate of ideas about being a woman in the modern age. The image of Julia's character in that movie became a symbol, a beacon of sorts, that I sort of moved toward ever since that first viewing. 

A few months later, I saw the movie Stepmom. Another Julia extravaganza, this time a sad one. But again, I saw Julia play a successful professional woman who had done quite well for herself (loft in the city, Land Rover, nice clothes). Now I must admit that much of what had appealed to me in these movies are the material objects. Together they visualized a lifestyle that my teenage self thought she might like to have.

 

As I approach my late 20s, I feel in many ways I have become a version of that professional woman. But perhaps something better than Julia's food critic and photographer characters because I became me. Success and a comfortable life are still important to me, but I think the overt display of material wealth that once seemed attractive no longer appeals. I want to do well in my life but also live one that is modest and good.

 

I do see my beautiful new apartment and my new job in my new city, and cannot help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment of those adolescent longings. 

I achieved much of my independence and success on my own, but really, what I have learned is that this life of mine would not have been possible without the incredible people supporting me - chiefly, my parents. They are incredibly kind, loving, fair people. And my friends - all bringing something unique to my life and giving me incredible support and laughter.

 

All of this is to say that being a professional woman is about your independence but it is also about learning to acknowledge your vulnerabilities and accept help from those who love you. The riches that come from those connections can yield a wondrous existence for any woman.

Image found here. 

A Design Journey

My cup continues to runneth over as I continue to settle into my new apartment! I feel so blessed to have this space to call my own and to furnish in accordance with my style. My dear and incredibly thoughtful friend Emily recently sent me Domino: The Book of Decorating to guide me as I begin to bring this comfortable space to life through design (an undertaking that I hope will not break my pocketbook!)!

I hope to post design developments on the blog, showing before and after photos of each area in my humble, yet darling studio apartment.

First off, the picture above is my current nightstand situation: using a chair as a nightstand -- an idea that I discovered through Chelsea Fuss's blog, {frolic!}. Since I have very little furniture right now, I used the chair more out of practicality than fashion, but I really like the idea nonetheless.

I am determined to ensure that this space is not cluttered with furniture and bits and bobs (an English phrase).  Domino asks me to determine my style, and, at the outset, I would like the theme to be English Country with a slight modern edge (but let's face it, it's me so there are going to be florals everywhere). I miss England so and I wish this space to be a little pocket of my favorite country. I chose to have my own place because I require a calm, comforting refuge after a day spent in the chaos of the world.

I am thrilled to begin this little design journey and hope you, my dear friends, will join me! Happy weekending!

Miss Bowen Goes to Washington!

This gold briefcase was part of the magic ensemble that finally procured me that Washington, DC job! My blog silence over the past week has been a result of flying to DC for interviews, looking for an apartment, finishing a freelance project, and finally, contracting a head cold!

I am thrilled beyond belief that all this is happening! For so long, I had been contemplating so many different paths and now it seems that one has opened up for me to proceed towards one of my dreams: living and working in DC.

This dream could not have been possible without the unfailing support of my family and friends! I am so thankful for the people I have known in my life (including many of the kindred spirits I have gained from blogging!)!

Get ready for many DC-inspired posts as I explore my new neighborhood!

Blog Admiration

The talented and lovely Jewels of The Red Otter Shop named me for an "I love your blog" award, and with this sweet honor, I get to share a bit about myself below. 


1. why did you create your blog?
I started the blog to get into the regular practice of writing and improve my skills. My first posts were quite long, essay-like. Reading other blogs and connecting with bloggers was not initially on my radar. But I remember when I received my first comment from erin and I started reading her lovely blog and then found other bloggers through her blogroll. Soon, I had found the most amazing, inspiring women - most of whom I have never met but am so thankful to know through the words and images of their blogging spaces! Blogging and commenting on the blogs of these kindred spirits has become an unexpected joy in my life.

2. what kind of blogs do you follow?
An unintended, yet delightful discovery for me has been design and lifestyle blogs, which are the type that I enjoy the most! I am such a design amateur but have been so inspired by all the talent and creativity that exists in the blog world! I also love DIY and again, there is such vision for how to live in a splendid life in an homemade, inexpensive way.

3. favorite makeup brand?
Aveda. Lately, I have been trying to go mineral- and plant-based for my beauty products in lieu of chemicals. 

4. favorite clothing brand?
Madewell and J.Crew are my standards. But I am a sucker for a good find at TJ Maxx or Marshall's. And anything from a vintage clothing store.

5. your indispensable makeup product?
Eyeliner. I feel like my eyes come alive!

6. your favorite colour?
Coral. I love the warmness of it!

7. your perfume?
I have many scents for various occasions. But I must admit that my favorite scent (and the one I get the most compliments for) is Bath and Body Works' Moonlit Path. 

8. your favorite film?
This is a tough one because I love movies!  So I am picking the two that I can watch over and over without tiring: the 1994 film version of Little Women and Away We Go.

9. what country would you like to visit and why?
I have never vacationed in a warm location so Costa Rica is next on my travel list. But my bigger plan is to some day take the train from Vienna, Austria to Venice, Italy! 

10. make-up the last question and answer it yourself: what is the most significant lesson you've learned in your life so far?
In this past year, I have been on a journey of self-discovery (as corny as it sounds), and I have learned that there is only so much of our life that we can control. In the end, going with the flow and not setting up too many expectations makes this whole process of living so much easier and a happier experience.

I must now choose 10 bloggers whose blogging spaces I love (in addition to Jewel's)! These blogging wonders can participate or abstain at their leisure! Here are the 10 (of course, it's hard to stop at 10 if you look at my ever-growing blogroll!): Amanda, Ingrid, Mara, janis, dani, Mariah, Danielle, erin, Meg, and rachel! 

A Weekend of Kindred Spirits

{Three good friends out for Ingrid's birthday last summer}

There was a significant portion of my life (middle school to the end of high school), where I did not really have the kindred spirit-type friends that I had always longed for ever since I read Anne of Green Gables. I suppose that's normal for many people. We are in such a state of development in those years that it can be challenging to have meaningful relationships.

However, college and after has been such a transforming experience for me in terms of the incredible people I have met! Two of those people, Emily and Ingrid, came to visit me in Maine this weekend! It was so lovely to be surrounded by such soulful people my own age! We shopped, we dined, we relaxed and watched trashy television, and we had leisurely, soul-reviving conversations. I can honestly say that one of the greatest privileges in life is to have simple, yet meaningful times with good people.

In contrast to the relaxing weekend, life has kick started in full force this Monday and I am working to keep up with it! Hope you all are having a lovely Monday!

I Am Love + Happy Weekend

I watched I Am Love last evening. Wow. Leaves you with an unsettled feeling, a sort of wonderment. Starring Tilda Swinton, this Italian film was seriously stunning in so many ways. It's gorgeous cinematography and use of Milan as the setting (the opening Christmas scene still haunts me in its ethereal beauty). The plot is so unexpected and at times shocking that the viewer finds herself completely wrapped up in the story's events. The acting is impeccable. I read somewhere that the film has been called a "modern-day Madam Bovary," a label I think to be fitting. Just a thought-titillating film that is well worth your time (that is, if you don't mind subtitles)!

I am thankful for the weekend. A friend is visiting (at last, someone my own age!!), who's thinking of moving to Maine so I'll play tour guide and pretend that I am on a mini holiday! After that visit, I will be going to one of my favorite restaurants, El Camino (voted best cocktail - their Pomegranate Margarita - by GQ), for an early birthday dinner! Wishing you all a delightful weekend!

Image found here.

Scent's Memory

Do you ever smell a scent and are instantly transported to another time in your life? I decided to spritz some Hawaiian Ruby Guava by Pacifica Perfume this morning and I was taken back to last year this time when I was in such a different place, planning to go to law school, traveling a ton, seeing my first Broadway show, and catching a glimpse of a dashing gentleman or two. I was still working at my first job out of college and planning my vacation time around the holidays. This year, life feels so different and yet, I love how this scent brings me back to a former time where I can remember times when the world was very kind.

Wishing everyone a happy weekend! I am recharging my spirit by taking a trip to Boston to visit my amazing friends!! I cannot wait for soul-reviving conversations to commence! 

Image found here.

Latte Gratitude

Today, I am thankful for lattes designed with pretty patterns. I am also thankful for the resources to have such a soul-warming drink. And I am also thankful for my wonderful friends and family. They inspire me to be at my best even when I feel at my worst and that is true love. May you consume delicious, heart-inspiring lattes today, actual or metaphorical.

Source: ChelseaVictoria's Shop (image found here).

Happy Days

I am sure that many people experienced the glory that was the latest Glee episode, "Duets." The show is so surprising because it can be offtrack (no more theme episodes, please) and then all of the sudden turn up a slam dunk like the past two episodes, "Grilled Cheezus" and "Duets." What makes them so inspiring and endearingly watchable is that Glee has become an important television show in terms of its message that it is okay to sing your heart out and praise who you are (read: follow your passions). Most people watch television and relate to what happens on the screen, so why not have a show to which kids and individuals struggling with their identity can relate?

As Entertainment Weekly's Tim Stack said, Kurt is the most important character on television right now because people can see him struggling against the prejudice and overcoming the bigotry and ignorance the sadly exists in our culture. Bullying is a huge topic in our national debate right now and rightly so. As a fellow victim of bullying, I know what it's like to feel completely wrong and worthless due to peer taunting. So I applaud the writers of Glee for taking on the topic of bullying and showing the triumphant resilience of Kurt (and to a lesser extent, the other characters in New Directions).

The good news is that darker times lead to light and when in the light, one appreciates it all the more for the knowledge of the dark. I must admit to tearing up with the last duet of the recent episode - the cover of Barbra Streisand and Judy Garland's rendition of Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again. I could not find the Glee version to post, but I did locate the original, which is pretty darn good. If you are struggling, happy days are around the corner, my friends. Take heart.

The Weekly Marginalian (Ep. III: A Public Health Princess + the Detroit Art Movement)

This episode of The Weekly Marginalian features an interview with one of my very good friends, Susie, who is currently abroad in Cambodia for a public health internship. She's an incredible person in an incredible place. I also discuss a recent New York Times article about the burgeoning Detroit Art movement. Enjoy!

  The Weekly Marginalian (Ep. III A Public Health Princess and the Detriot Art Movement)

A Lovely Wedding By the Sea

Last weekend, I celebrated the marriage of my high school friend, Emma, to David, a charming young Scotsman. They were married at The Bradley Inn, a darling property in Pemaquid, Maine. The reception was held under the traditional white tent and the decorations were gorgeous: green, blue, and yellow bunting and twinkle lights decorated the tent's ceiling, fresh summer flowers sat prettily in sparkling blue Ball jam jars, a four-course meal was served, consisting of lobster bisque, an heirloom tomato salad, vegetable risotto (the vegetarian option), and a choice between vanilla cake with raspberry filling or carrot cake. There was lots of dancing and revelry under a moonlit sky. After the bride and groom departed, the younger folks in the wedding party strolled down the road to the Pemaquid Lighthouse to continue the celebrations into the wee hours of the morning. Despite our joyful noise, there was a profound quiet walking through the tall, spare pines to the rocky cliffs of Pemaquid Point.

I rose early the next morning and returned to the point, gazing out upon the cool, lulling palette of the morning sea. Grey-blue colors, peppered with the soft pink of the rising sun. I remembered the first time I came to this spot - eight years old and bemused by climbing all the craggy rocks and discovering the vernal pools and shallow ecosystems. And now I was here, let's say many years later, and everything was quite unchanged. But at the same time, always moving. The sea, cold and powerful, crashing against the rough-hewn rocks. I've missed being close to the sea. There is nothing quite like the feeling of the cold Atlantic air against your skin. It was a peaceful moment amidst these crazy days.

Symbolic

I am feeling symbolic. Much of that was inspired by doing what many people I know did for four and half hours last night: watch the series finale of LOST.

It may seem trivial, superficial - even a bit sorrowful - that I was so moved by something that was projected to me across a screen (well, it was in HD). But this program has become a symbol. A symbol of art, of storytelling, of faith, and - I will say it - of what it means to be human.

Watching "The End" last night felt like a dream, a rush of passion and zealousness to reach that final point where we would know The Truth and everything would be at rest. And in the end, everything was at rest, and as for The Truth, some might argue that was most definitely missing. I am not one of those naysayers. What is real? What is truth? What is the answer? These are questions I wonder every day of my life. Why do we kill ourselves trying to get these things?

In the final scene of the show, I was reminded that a fulfilling life, at least for me, is one spent with the people you are given. One spent loving and cherishing what they bring to your life. It's about fighting for your people when they are down and revealing with them when they delight. It's about holding the hand of a person who truly ignites you.

I started watching this show because I appreciated the intelligent, intriguing premise (not unlike my favorite show of all time, Alias). And now I finish it on a completely different plane, wrapped up in the emotion, the characters, and the spiritual symbolism that pervades these final moments and for much of the latter part of the show. I think you can only truly appreciate the show's finale if you believe in a higher power, something greater than yourself. That can be God or a god. Or, it can be as simple and as beautiful as sharing yourself with another (person or dog as we see with Vincent's triumphant return).

I hear many of the show's famous lines now, and I can't help but see new meanings that transcend their original context. For me, the ending of LOST was a reminder of what is most important to me. It was symbol. I want to protect the people I have and seek out the ones I am destined to make a part of my life. This is not to say that I wish myself on a crashing airplane. But sometimes, it takes a kind of death to find the life you were always meant to have.

"We're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out...Every man for himself is not going to work...God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together—we're gonna die alone."

Image found here.

Marathon

{The Boston Marathon finish line on Boylston Street in downtown Boston}

Two years ago today I ran the Boston Marathon. To this day, it feels like the greatest achievement of my life. The greatest because I elected to train, dedicated the time and energy to train, and then triumphed with a race time of 4:32:19. My goal was 4:30:00.

I began training during the frigid, unforgiving days of January 2008 (the race is always the third Monday in April). I would run 5-7 miles after work - three days out of the week - skillfully avoiding the icy patches on the street and always enshrouded in the chilling winter darkness. After my runs, I would inhale my dinner and fall into a deep slumber. My weekends consisted of one short run (3 miles) on Saturday and then an ever-increasing long run on Sunday (7-21 miles). My life was running during these months, which was not too out of the ordinary. I have always been a runner since my cross-country days in high school. Running is like breathing to me - I have to do it or I suffer, both physically and emotionally.

The morning of my Boston Marathon experience was slightly chilly and overcast. The forecast was 60s and intermittent sun (ideal, really). I had raised money with The Campus School, a charity team from my alma mater, Boston College, that raises money to support children with disabilities. We were bused out to the start of the race in Hopkington, MA. Scores of people - around 3,000 - of non-elite runners (the elite runners start earlier) lingered with anticipation at the starting line. There sheer mass of people meant that everyone had to walk for the first 1/4 mile. As the crowd thinned, I began my run.

Though running this marathon was a solo experience, the people - the spectators and the my friends and family who supported me - were my chief inspiration. Without them, I would not have finished. My parents met me Wellesley (mile 14), at Boston College (mile 21), and at the finish line. Seeing their smiling, proud faces was the greatest motivation. At Wellesley College (around mile 13), Evadne, one of my good friends, gave me huge hug and screamed ecstatically as I ran past!

The Boston Marathon is notoriously challenging because of the number of hills and in particular, Heartbreak Hill, which earned its name due to the long, gradual incline on Commonwealth Avenue at the latter half of the race when runners begin to lose steam. I was determined to run the entire hill without a break, and I pounded the pavement to the hill's crest and Boston College, where I was greeted by packed sidelines of gregarious students cheering on the runners. That was one incredible rush, finally running in a downhill, cheered on by your alma mater! At BC, I connected with my friend Katie, who ran the last five miles with me - an act that sustained me in the miles that proved to be the most challenging.

During the last five miles, the weight of this race began to catch up with me. I ran the distance but I was not entirely sure how I was moving. My mind and body were in a new, strange territory. I was blessed to have Katie there to encourage me towards that finish line. The worst hill of the entire race was actually the slight incline on Beacon Street before Kenmore Square. My dragging legs felt weighty with exhaustion. However, the deafening cheers from the crowd propelled me further along. That final stretch down Boylston Street towards the finish line seemed like the longest distance in the world. And full of unreal emotions. But I had done it. I had completed the Boston Marathon.

I'm not certain if I will ever run a marathon again. Some days I think, sure. Others, never. Regardless of my future running plans, this experience was a milestone on my life for my personal triumph as well as a reminder of how blessed I am to have such miraculous friends and family.

{Right before the last part of Heartbreak Hill: I am in the yellow shirt and red hat at the center!}