November 19, 2009


I am stalling. Procrastinating. Dragging my heels. Pretending that everything is fine. Yes, the usual routine.

It feels like everyone around me is moving forward. Life is working for them. And I am just lying in the leaves, starring up at the sky. Not thinking much. Just reposing in the eye of the storm, it's kind of beautiful here. Ethereal. Possibly lethal if I stay too long.

Earlier this year, I thought I had it all figured out. I would do this to do well on this. At the same time, I would get this for a few months, which would help me be accepted into this. Then I would move to this place and do this. However, none of the this's really happened. And now I have a choice. I can do more of the first this to try again to do well on the second this. But essentially, I feel as though I am at square one and the road is feeling long. This here mountain of "this's" looks quite steep. I feel old (the quarter life crisis rears its head once more) and a waster of precious "youth time," that special time when you are young and free and only in charge of the nation of your body...and trying to spread goodwill to others, of course.

I am looking for some drive, some pep, some inspiration. Something to wash away this period of indolence and, frankly, weakness. A spiritual astringent for the monotonous aura that is currently taking residence with me.

Image found here. Via Sabino

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