Treadmill Trouble

When I run, I like to control the road. The road should never control me. Which is why I abhor treadmills. A rubber strip (or whatever material), a constantly rotating, unnatural road. So what if I can determine the speed? I am determining the speed that has been predetermined by Life Fitness or whatever that brand is called. You must always run according to your speed and if you falter a little or trip, not only could you fall, but you could fall on a still moving road. I've seen treadmill slips. They are not pretty. In fact, they are horrible scene to watch.

One time, this girl fell and her laces were caught in the edge of treadmill, which pulled When you are on that treadmill at the gym, there are all these people around you, running and sweating, at different paces. I often feel the pressure of others working out around me. It is not that I am intimidated or feel competitive (well, perhaps sometimes), but I see running as such a solitary act. I am at my best, feel my best, when I am running down a lonely dirt road in Maine or up Heartbreak Hill on a quiet weeknight. It is peaceful and freeing. I find that I can finally think straight and run even better.

On a treadmill, you have this constant stimulation of the televisions, your neighbor's music and flipping through the latest issue of People, and just the general movement of others constantly around you. I cannot concentrate. I have a developed a mild form of ADD, living in a generation of multi-tasking and multiple stimuli like iPods, TV, and the Internet. A noise, and I am distracted. All I want is a consistent frame of thought which always eludes me at the gym.

I feel a hollow, artificial pace as my sneakers pound against treadmill. It is not a satisfying tread. I do not feel the firm foundation of the pavement. On the road, it feel like a true mile earned, something that I took all on my own. You can't run marathons on a treadmill. Well, I suppose you can, but it certainly does provide you with that same sense of success as you cross the finish line on a hopefully sunny April afternoon.

Becoming Sydney Bristow

ALIAS is an amazing show, or was, before it was canceled after five seasons, which was actually right, since the fifth season was weak and convoluted. Vaughn was killed off and missing for most of the season, and when he returned, the original Sydney/Vaughn chemistry was missing, which, for me, defeated the whole point of the show. JJ Abrams creates marvelous shows that don't really last that long, which in part, contributes to their greatness, Felicity, Alias, and now LOST will only have 48 more episodes or another two seasons.

I often ask myself why I love ALIAS and think that Sydney Bristow/Jennifer Garner is so awesome. When I look at Sydney walking into a club in a beautiful gown, the epitome of tough and sexy, and then subsequently kicking the ass of a thug or terror lord. She's strong, smart, alluring, everything that I aspire to be as a woman. But also, she shows her vulnerability in those moments when we see how dysfunctional and conniving her family can be. She is able to balance both femininity and self-confidence in a way that I, as a woman, can only dream of doing. I admire her ability to maintain this balance, showing both glamour and comfort in her life.

I believe I think too much about my image, about how I appear to others, how I act, the tone of my voice (is it too deep? too high pitched?). If I wear a baseball cap, do I see more masculine? I rarely go anywhere now without eye makeup on and hair straightened, contacts in. I remember myself as a freshman in college with curly dark brown hair, no make up and large glasses. By the time I was a senior, I had blond, straight hair, contacts, and a whole new make-up routine. There are times where this image appears right for me, I have changed so much, grown so much. But then there are times where I feel like I should not try to fix my image so much. I suppose everyone, even Sydney Bristow, fixes how she looks. Actually, Sydney spends most of show in other "aliases" and Jennifer Garner is always playing other people in movie's, assuming other lives. In that way, I think we are all CIA agents and actresses, constantly going under cover and assuming roles of people whom we admire and aspire to be, turning out to be an amalgam of all of these people.